Lyrics Of Our Lives
by ToxicUchiha1
Summary: Matt always listened to Mello. Even when it hurt himself. Mello always confused them both. And they both hated the course they took. MelloxMatt Will go to M.
1. Prologue

A/N: I'm finally posting this? XD I had this prologue written for a long time. It ended up that I just wanted to finish WIA before I moved to this one. Not to mention that most people voted for a LightxL story on my poll so I sent that to it's beta and while I'm waiting for it's return I'm working on this. I can't promise consistant updates. Sorry, but one of my stories usually remain consistant and that would be Bridesmaid. The Game is going to be updated when I find even the remote form of a muse so this shouldn't take long but it won't be quick either. Anyways, you all will be able to tell the story from how it goes. This is a song-fic story with many different songs. So! I hope you follow the three R's. Read, Relish(synonym for enjoy), and Review! :D

* * *

Prologue

**"I remember. Years ago. When we first met at the orphanage. I was the new kid and you were the smartest kid in school."**

**"I remember. Years ago. When we first met in our room. I was number two and you were someone new."**

~:~:~:~:~:~:~

"Who's the new kid?"

"His name is Matt."

"Why doesn't he talk to me?"

"He likes to listen to his iPod."

"And apparently play video games. What is he wearing? Striped everything?"

"Just as you like to wear black?"

"... Why is he here?"

"He's going to be your new roommate."

"Oh... lovely."

And that's how it started.

Roger left the two young boys alone so they could meet. The redheaded boy finally looked up from his game and at the blond. They stared for a moment, green eyes (hidden behind glasses) meeting blue ones. Analyzing each other for a minute until it was time to speak.

"My name's Mello."

The redhead paused and then pulled one of the headphones out of his ears.

"What?" He asked, pausing the game boy.

"I said my name is Mello."

"Hm, mine's Matt. We roommates now?"

"Yep."

"Interesting."

With that Matt sat on his bed and pulled out a sheet of paper to scribble a note. Mello looked with suspicion at the boy as he put the note back into his pocket.

"What did you just write?" Mello asked.

"The name of the song I was listening to. It seemed fitting for the situation."

"What song? What situation?"

"Moving here. Meeting you." Matt held out the second headphone to Mello. "Come listen."

Mello eyed him skeptically but then walked across the room and sat down next to him. The head phone was placed in his ear and he listened carefully.

_Well you can hide a lot about yourself,_

_But honey, What're you gonna do?_

_--  
_

_You can sleep in a coffin,_

_But the past ain't through with you._

_--  
_

_Cause we are all a bunch of liars._

_Tell me, baby, who do you want to be?_

_--  
_

_And we are all about to spell it,_

_'Cause it's tragic with a capital T._

_--  
_

_Let it be, Let it be, Let it be!_

_--  
_

_'Cause we all wanna party when the funeral ends._

_(Bababa, bababa)_

_--  
_

_And we all get together when we bury our friends._

_(Bababa, bababa)_

_--  
_

_It's been eight bitter years since I've been seeing your face._

_(Bababa, bababa)_

_--  
_

_And your walking away,_

_and I will die in this place._

_--  
_

_Sometimes you scrape and sink so low,_

_I'm shocked at what your capable of._

_--  
_

_And if this is a coronation,_

_I ain't feeling the love._

_--  
_

_'Cause we are all a bunch of animals that never paid attention in school._

_--  
_

_So tell me all about your problems:_

_I was killing before killing was cool._

_--  
_

_You're so cool, Your so cool, so cool!_

_--  
_

_'Cause we all wanna party when the funeral ends._

_(Bababa, bababa)_

_--  
_

_And we all get together when we bury our friends._

_(Bababa, bababa)_

_--  
_

_It's been nine bitter years since I've been seeing your face._

_(Bababa, bababa)_

_--  
_

_And you're walking away,_

_and I will die in this place._

_--  
_

_[short intermission]_

"Nine long years since I've seen your face?" Mello asked. Matt shrugged.

"Don't bother with those lines."

_You'll never take me alive._

_You'll never take me alive._

_--  
_

_Do what it takes to survive,_

_'Cause I'm still here._

_--  
_

_You'll never get me alive._

_You'll never take me alive._

_--  
_

_Do what it takes to survive,_

_And I'm still here._

_--  
_

_You'll never take me alive._

_You'll never get me alive._

_--  
_

_Do what it takes to survive,_

_And I'm still here._

_--  
_

_You'll never get me._

_(Get me!)_

_--  
_

_You'll never take me._

_(Take me!)_

_--  
_

_You'll never get me alive._

_--  
_

_'Cause we all wanna party when the funeral ends._

_(Bababa, bababa)_

_--  
_

_And we all get together when we bury our friends._

_--  
_

_It's been ten fucking years since I've been seeing your face 'round here._

_--  
_

_And your walking away,_

_And I will drown in the fear._

The song faded away and Mello stared hard at the redhead. The song made no sense. Matt could not relate Mello to the song unless he really knew what Mello was like which was impossible because the redhead just moved there that morning.

"Well?" Matt asked, awaiting Mello's opinion. All he got in response was a punch in the face. "What the hell was that for?!"

"For judging me as some asshole that isn't happy without being mean and leaving people for dead! You don't know me!"

"Well, don't assholes usually punch people in the face when they're not happy?" Matt asked, but the glare from Mello made him stop. "Look, I didn't choose the song. Earlier today I explained to this white haired kid that I like giving people songs. He chose that one, not me."

This immediately changed the blond's demeanor to stiffen a bit.

"Near? Do yourself a favor, Matt, and don't ever listen to Near ever again. He's my enemy." Mello said and walked back to his bed and plopped down, pulling out his notebook and a pen.

"Alright. Sorry."

"... Why did you write it down if it's on your iPod?" Mello asked. Matt tried to lower his head in time to hide the blush that formed on his cheeks.

"I... Like to remember things by songs and their lyrics. It's the way things are stored into my memory..." Matt explained shyly. Mello put the end of the pen to his lips in thought.

"Interesting... What was the name of that song?" Mello asked.

"Kill All Your Friends by My Chemical Romance" Matt stated.

"You sure are morbid, you know that?" Mello asked with a laugh. "I like it."

And then Mello wrote the date down on the slip of paper. Along with the words: New roommate Matt says I remind him of Kill All Your Friends by My Chemical Romance. I don't deny it.

~:~:~:~:~:~:~

Matt could not have chosen a worse time to move to Wammy's. Over the first week Mello learned that Matt was smart. Very smart. The only problem with that is Matt never put any unnecessary work into anything. Matt was apathetic and was bored very easily.

Too easily in Mello's mind.

So that's why Matt often played video games and listened to music. To rid of his boredom. Mello even got into the habit of letting Matt put the music on speakers so he could hear as well.

But after that first week Mello realized that in just one week would be the time of exams. Not just exams but The Exams. The ones that show how close or how far away everyone was to being L.

And so Mello sat in a crouch, with his legs pulled close to his chest, in the corner of their room. Five binders were spread around his feet, opened with papers filling them to the brim. Songs were idly playing in the background as Matt lay on the bed playing his video game.

He chanced a glance at Mello and then looked back to his game.

"... Why do you sit like that when your studying really hard?" Matt asked.

"L sits like this. Says it raises his deduction skills by forty percent. Near studies like this too." Mello answered simply, never taking his eyes of the papers. Then he distractedly bite into his chocolate bar.

"It's been really quiet around here. Everyone's studying for the Exams... Why does everyone want to become L so much?" Matt asked, hands slowing on the game system.

"To be closer to being the next L, what else? What's more important than being The Worlds- next- Greatest Detective?" Mello asked finally tearing his eyes from the paper, not giving Matt the chance to answer. "Nothing. Not becoming the next L, not being important... It's just like being another useless orphan. It's just like being... Nothing."

"Hm? Really? I rather play video games."

The comment in itself caused Mello's anger to trigger. The blond grabbed his Italian book and threw it at Matt, hitting the unexpected gamer in the arm. Mello stood up quickly.

"Ow! What did I do now?!"

"What's wrong with you?! How can you just play your games all the time?! Your smart, Matt! I know because I can hear it when we have conversations but you never put any effort into anything! If you did do you know how high you would rank?! How good you could do to become L?!"

"I don't wanna be L."

"What?" Mello ran to Matt and grabbed him by his arm, slightly lifting him up. "Why not?!"

"Because it doesn't sound like something that would make me happy. I rather be nothing and be happy than be great and unhappy."

"This doesn't just go for L! It goes for your whole future! You could get a great job in anything you want! Anything! If you just put the effort to study, at least for the Exams! Do you know how rich you would be?! How successful you would be?!"

"... The future... It's important to you, isn't it?"

"... Yes."

"Why?"

"It's all we have, isn't it? All we can really work for... I want to be the best." Mello explained, grip tightening unconsciously around the redhead's arm. Matt didn't notice.

"If that's what you want- to be the best- then let me help you study."

Matt got up and walked in front of the binders, picking one up and skimming through it.

"Your so weird, Matt, I swear." Mello walked to his note book on his desk as his ears picked up on the ending of one of his more favorite songs.

_Then you would understand_

_What I mean_

_(Who I am, Who I am)_

Mello's hands paused on the notebook before he opened the book to write the date along with the words: Eyes to See by Flyleaf, Matt and I argued but he finally studied.

~:~:~:~:~:~:~

"I HATE Near!"

"Yes, I gathered that the first seven times you said it, Mels."

"But you don't understand, Matt. I HATE him! He always has to do everything better than me! He always has to be Number-freaking- One!"

"So I take it that your Exam results show you got Number Two?" Matt asked, playing a game as he sat cross legged on the floor, glasses sliding down the bridge of his noes.

"Of course! Because Near scored a lousy THREE points MORE than me! THREE POINTS! Of course!" Mello yelled, kicking the side of the bed. He took three deep breaths and then collapsed on the bed.

"Have some chocolate, Mello, it will make ya feel better."

The blond reached in the drawer and pulled out a chocolate bar, also flipping on the speakers to their new MP3 Player. He took a furious bite of the chocolate and sighed as the anger subsided just a bit.

"Sorry about that, Matt. I just hate losing to Near. Anyways, what did it say you got on the Exam?"

"I'm seated as Number Three. Lower than you by two points."

Mello froze. He stared as the redhead continued playing, without a care to his position whatsoever. Matt, with only two weeks in Wammy's, had managed to get right behind Mello and knock Linda out of her place. Wow.

"Aren't you happy?"

"I don't really care. Unlike you I don't want to be Number One but thanks to all of the studying I did with you is the reason I scored so high. I rather just help you be Number One and enjoy the ride there."

Mello couldn't help but smile at the boy who so easily put others before himself. Matt smirked a bit.

"You remind me of a song, you know?"

"Really?" Matt asked, looking up to Mello.

"Yep. Apathetic Way To Be by Relient K. Ever hear it before?"

"Is it on there?" Matt nodded to the MP3. Mello pressed the skip button until it landed on the exact song.

_Yeah, I'm not angry_

_And no, I'm not upset_

_--  
_

_It's taken me awhile _

_But this is what I learned_

_Emotional attachment is really not a threat _

_When I'm simply not concerned._

_--  
_

_The things that I take on_

_I soon shrug off_

_'Cause I know no one_

_Will ever be content_

_--  
_

_With the way things are_

_Or what they've got_

_So I've given up and_

_Now I'm just indifferent_

_--  
_

_You all laugh at me_

_Like I'm not happy_

_With anything, anytime, anywhere_

_--  
_

_And the half about me's all about apathy_

_And the other half just doesn't care_

Matt's grin grew huge, over the first part of the song and looked at Mello's smaller grin.

"Thanks." Matt chuckled as Mello pulled out his notebook.

Entry: Matt's theme song should totally be Apathetic Way To Be by Relient K.

"I got you into that habit?" Matt asked, eyeing the notebook. Mello felt his ears grow hot.

"What? No! Nothing!" Mello yelled defensively, snapping the book shut. Matt laughed.

"Shut up!" And even the phone thrown at Matt didn't keep him quiet.

~:~:~:~:~:~:~

The next month consisted of Mello getting into a lot of trouble. He would goof around and talk back to the instructors or try to pick fights with Near. Whenever Matt was asked of Mello's actions Matt tried to take the blame, only to have the truth come out anyway and get them both in more trouble.

It didn't matter, though, because they were at least with each other during the punishment.

It was after the first month of their getting into trouble that Mello actually realized what was happening. Matt was always helping Mello, always being nice to him and always trying to keep him out of trouble. Truthfully, Mello didn't mind Matt's taking the blame for it was fun to have someone with him while punished, but what did bother Mello was that Matt had no reason to do so. Mello was never really nice to Matt, never really helped him, and he didn't even threaten Matt to do things for him (well, most of the time). So, when genius minds can't think of genius answers for situations, the situations are confronted.

Matt was doing his homework on his bed, tapping his pencil to the rhythm of the song playing when Mello walked in. He strode nonstop to the MP3 and changed the song.

He didn't want to do much talking, so he hoped the song would speak for him.

_How many times will I fall_

_Before I finally loose it all_

_All I want is everything_

_All I need is just you and nothing_

_--  
_

_Follow me down (down)_

_Follow me, follow me_

_Follow me down_

_Follow me, follow me (down)_

"Hm. Follow Me Down by Since October." Matt stated, looking at Mello through his glasses.

"Why do you follow me down, Matt? Why are you always taking my blame when all I do is bitch and whine. Everyone says I'm too emotional to be friends with and yet here you are doing whatever you can to help me. Why?" Mello asked. Matt put down his pencil to directly talk to Mello.

"You don't have a lot of friends, do you Mello?" Matt asked, catching Mello off guard.

"You've been... The longest friendship I've ever had..." Mello stated.

"Thought so. Guess you can say it's the same for me. Your my first friend ever and not only that you don't mind me thinking that. No one else I knew back where I came from wanted to be my friend so when you let me close I tried to hold on for dear life." Matt explained.

"You don't have to, you know? I want you as a friend too, so you don't have to prove yourself. You can just be my friend." Mello stated, firmly.

"I know." Matt smiled, laying back and putting his arms behind his head. "But I want to."

Mello stared at the smiling Matt. Looking at the green eyes behind the glasses as the nose crinkled by the discomfort of the glass.

"I have... Something... For you..." Mello explained, ears heating with embarrassment. Matt looked curiously at the small bag that landed in his lap. "It's just... To say thank you... For being my friend."

Matt opened the bag to find a pair of goggles inside. The rim and strap were black but the lenses were an orange to pink tint.

"They're prescription. I've noticed that those glasses are uncomfortable to you. So..." Mello trailed off to stop his embarrassing blabbing. Matt's smile grew as he took off the glasses and put the goggles on.

"You didn't have to do this, you know?" Matt asked when the goggles were completely on. Mello couldn't help but admit that they looked good on the gamer.

"I know. But I wanted to." Mello smiled. "Thanks for being my best friend, Matt."

"Thanks for being my best friend, Mello."

~:~:~:~:~:~:~

_You can't kick me down_

_I'm already on the ground_

_No you can't,_

_But you couldn't catch me anyhow_

_--  
_

_Blue skies but the sun isn't coming out_

_No, Today is like I'm under a heavy cloud_

_--  
_

_And I feel so alive_

_Can't help myself_

_Don't you realize_

_--  
_

_I just wanna scream and lose control_

_Throw my hands up and let it go_

_Forget about everything and run away, yeah_

_--  
_

_I just wanna fall and lose myself_

_Laughing so hard it hurts like hell_

_Forget about everything and run away, yeah_

Matt watched the anger boil to Mello's head. It was one of Mello's worse days ever. First, Near had beaten him in a math test by five points (the highest Near has ever beaten him by), after Roger had caught Mello taking his seventh chocolate bar that day (he was limited to a total of six) and was sent to his room for an hour, and later while he was in his room was when the worse news came. Every month or so L wrote letters to Near and Mello or talked to them over videos on computer. Near received a letter.

Mello did not.

So Mello was sitting on the window sill of their room, staring outside as the rain poured down outside. Matt could take one look at Mello's eyes and know for sure that Mello wanted to run away from Wammy's. The blond wanted to run somewhere far away where he could still follow L and be safe. Matt could see it.

"Mello. Runaway by Avril Lavigne." Matt stated. Mello turned his head and nodded to answer the unasked question.

"Yeah. Pretty much."

"Promise to take me with you. When you do leave, promise I can help you get to where you want to go?"

"I'll never leave you behind, Matt. You give me hope where others give me hate. I promise when I become the next L and I runaway from here that I will most defiantly bring you with me."

"Good."

"Wait... Matt?" Matt turned his head to look at Mello. "Do you trust me, with all your soul, to never let you down, and always be there?"

"Of course. Why?"

"Do you believe that I trust you?"

"Well, yes, bu-"

"I don't want it to be 'Well, yes' I want you to say of course but I don't want you to say it because that's what I want you to say but because I've earned your trust. So, I'll start by telling you my most important secret." Mello paused and took a deep breath. "My name is Miheal Keehl."

Matt's eyes widened at the sound of Mello's real name. Miheal Keehl. Miheal Keehl. Miheal Keehl...

"My name's Mail Jeevas, and I trust you with one hundred percent of my life."

"As I do you."

~:~:~:~:~:~:~

It didn't take Matt longer than a year and a half to realize why he truly stayed around Mello. It wasn't because they were friends, or that Mello was different, or even the fact that Matt got bored easily.

No. It was because Matt grew feelings.

Strong feelings.

Making Mello smile or laugh or help the blond study and get closer to Near... It made him feel happy, like all that mattered in the world was Mello's happiness. Mello's and nobody else's, not even his own.

Being the cliche guy he was Matt couldn't help but think of a song.

_I'll be your dream_

_I'll be your wish_

_I'll be your fantasy_

_I'll be your hope_

_I'll be your love_

_Be everything that you need._

_I love you more with every breath_

_Truly, madly, deeply, do_

Entry: Savage Garden's Truly, Madly, Deeply. Girlie song, I know, but I've fallen for Mello.

~:~:~:~:~:~:~

**"I remember when you left. How sad it made me to this very day..."**

**"I remember when I left. And how much it hurt to leave you there..."**

~:~:~:~:~:~:~

"Damn L! Damn it! Why?! How could you..! How can you just fucking die like this?!" Mello yelled. He kicked the bed, knocked everything off the table, and punched the wall.

Matt stared.

"Why? Why- fucking- WHY?!" Mello grabbed a bag and threw it on the bed in anger. He walked to the dresser and pulled it out so hard that the whole drawer fell out. Mello growled angrily and dumped the contents in the bag before zippering it closed.

Matt stood up and went to his dresser so he could pack a bag.

This was it. Mello was leaving.

"What are you doing Matt?"

"I'm getting ready to come with you."

The pause Mello had made Matt shiver.

"I... I'm sorry, Matt. You have to stay here."

"What?! This isn't funny, Mello-"

"I'm not kidding. Your staying here. I'm leaving. By myself."

"Mello, you promised me-"

"And this is one promise I'll have to break for the both of us."

"No. You can say what you want but I'm coming with you if I have to chase after you or not."

"No. Your not." Mello slammed the drawer shut.

"Yes I am." Matt tried to open the drawer but Mello kept a firm hold.

"No."

"Yes!"

"Damn it, Matt!"

Mello jumped on Matt, pushing the redhead to the ground and on his back with the blond on top. Matt went to push Mello off but Mello grabbed hold of Matt's arms and held them tight.

"You've got to listen to me, Matt. This is for your safety! I'll come back and find you, I swear! But you need to stay here!"

"You already promised me, Mello! I am coming with you! I have to!"

Mello sighed in both anger and annoyance.

"Sorry, Matt. But I have to do this."

Mello took a belt from the table and tied Matt's arms around the leg of the desk.

"Mello! Mello! Stop!"

Mello looked apologetically at Matt as he grabbed his full bag.

"I'm sorry Matt."

"Mello, you don't understand! I..! Mello, I love you!"

Mello froze in place, looking at the boy on the ground, fighting to get free.

"I love you. Always have, always will. And I'll do anything for you, Mello... I love you..."

"..." Mello's frown grew more. "I think... I think I knew that all along... And that's why you can't come with me now. I don't want to hurt you anymore than I will in the future, Mail. So, I'm sorry."

"Miheal!"

Mello started walking, putting on the head phones of his iPod and pressing play.

"Miheal! Miheal!"

The shouts were drowned out by music.

_I think I'm drowning, asphixiated_

_I've got to break the spell that you've created_

_--  
_

_It's something beautiful, a contradiction_

_I wanna play the game, I want the friction_

_--  
_

_You, will be the death of me_

_Yeah, you will be the death of me_

Entry: Time Is Running Out by Muse. I will be the death of Matt, so I have to end our "relationship" here.


	2. Chapter 1: Forget You

A/N: Finally, I am back. This chapter was hard, so I hope you enjoy it, my ONLY reviewer... :{ Cans I haves more reviews please? Pretty please? With sugar on top? I would love you forever, and ever, and EVER! XD Anyways, this chapter is self explanatory. I'm not going to belittle your intelligence by explaining things. You should understand and if not, ask me in a review. Mkay! Enough of me talking. To the story! *Does super awesome pose, pointing to the sky, with a cape waving* ... XD So please follow my Three R's! :D

* * *

Chapter 1: Forget You

* * *

_I'm out of luck_

Mello held his head, hand covering the burn. It hurt. It all hurt. Maybe blowing up a place while your inside wasn't the smartest of ideas, but it was the only way to stay alive. Now, though. His head was pounding, stinging, burning and as he drove he felt the world getting dizzy. He wanted to throw up, or go to the hospital, or go to sleep but he couldn't with the Task Force looking for him. He had to get to a safe place. His hideout was burned down, the mafia probably didn't want to deal with him after getting so many of their men killed, and there was no way in hell he was going to go to Near.

What to do?

_I'm out of state_

Well, there was his last resort, but he didn't really want to. It could all go wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong. What if he wouldn't even help Mello, anyways? No, that wasn't like him, and Mello knew that he was in Japan. It seems he's been hacking after Mello as much as Mello has been watching out for him.

Sighing, he pulled out his phone.

_Call on the phone_

It rang for a while, which meant that he probably didn't have his phone on him or was playing video games. 'Of course' Mello thought, rolling his eyes. On what was sure to be the last ring the phone was answered. The other side didn't say anything and neither did Mello. The sound of breathing was the only sound heard throughout the phone call and Mello felt nervous. Mello finally called him, and now that he had, he had nothing to say. What was there to say? What wouldn't offend the other? It's been so long. Well, he had to say something.

"Matt..?"

_Is it too late to talk this over with you?_

There was silence, and then Mello realized, maybe Matt doesn't want to talk to him. It would serve him right, seeing as how he ditched the boy in such an awful way. He deserved to be ignored by Matt, so if that was what Matt was planning on doing then Mello would respect that. Though, he couldn't help the slight bit of pain he felt at the thought of being ignored by Matt.

"Mello? Are... Are you actually calling me?"

_They tell me that it's okay to be out of line_

That's not the first words he expected to hear, but they were better than being ignored.

"I need help, Matt. I have this burn and no place to go." Mello explained. He didn't beat around the bush, couldn't do it, because all that mattered was if Matt accepted him or not.

"Where are you? I'll pick you up."

_To make mistakes_

"Don't worry about it, I'll be at your place in a few minutes." Mello made the car go faster now that he knew it was okay to be at Matt's. It was strange. How could Matt accept him back without getting angry? How can Matt always care about him?

"You know where I live?"

"Had to keep an eye on you."

"In case I got too close and found you?"

"... Yeah."

"... I'll wait outside."

_To lie and say, I'll be fine without you_

The phone hung up and Mello sighed. This was going to be hard. How could he leave Matt a second time? After all this was to be done, and Mello was better, he would have to leave Matt again to finish his business with Kira and Near. How, though? The years of living without his best friend had been hard, the hardest years of his life. How would he leave again? And how hurt would Matt be if he did?

Matt's body came into view.

_How am I gonna take the fall, forget you?_

Matt grew up. Really grew up. He was about Mello's height now, and his red hair got darker. It was a little longer than when they were younger but that was to be expected. Matt never did like to cut his hair. It seems that his sense of style hadn't changed at all, with stripped everything, and the addition of a vest on top of the red long sleeved shirt. The item that Matt wore that made Mello the happiest was the goggles. Matt still wore the goggles Mello gave him.

Mello got out of the car and watched as Matt's eyes grew wide with shock, panic, and fear. He ran to Mello and held his shoulders, looking at the burn on Mello's face.

"'I have this burn and no place to go,' you made it sound little. Of course I should have known better." Matt sighed, bringing Mello into the apartment.

_Try to move on without you_

Mello was seated on a couch as Matt grabbed his first aid kit that was placed on the kitchen counter. Everything was ready ever since he called Matt. Said boy- teenager (Mello corrected)- knelt on the ground next to him and opened the box. He took out a bottle of what Mello knew to be disinfectant and poured it onto a cloth.

"This is going to burn."

"No shit."

Matt ignored him and placed the cloth to the burn. Mello grit his teeth as he felt the stinging but it slowly stopped. It only hurt at first, after that he didn't feel anything. Did he lose the nerves in his face?

"Your... Your going to leave again aren't you?" Matt asked, never stopping while he cleaned Mello's burn. Mello wasn't shocked that Matt asked him that. He was number three in Wammy's.

"I have to Matt. I'm almost done. Once I win, I'll come back. I promise."

_Oh, oh. I can't let go._

"Too bad." Matt stated, putting down the cloth and opening a packet of burn cream. "Your in my house now, and I'm not letting you go."

_How am I gonna take the fall, forget you?_

"Your going to have to, Matt."

"I don't have to do anything but keep you here, Mello."

Matt put down the packet and took out a bandage. He started rolling it around Mello's head so it went under the blond bangs, over the hair on the back, and under the hair on the front. Careful not to get any of the hair stuck on the burn, he kept going until the burn was covered.

_I'll try to move on without you._

"Matt, I-"

"No, Mello. I tried to live without you, tried to forget about you, tried to get over you. I spent days alone, closing myself away from all sorts of computers so I won't go looking after you but I couldn't help it. I needed to see you, needed to be with you. I love you, Mello, and even if you don't love me then that's okay. As long as your here, it's fine, but I will not let you leave again." Matt explained, taking Mello into his arms for a hug. Mello sighed and hugged back, patting Matt's back.

_Oh, oh. I can't let go._

"I don't love you."

"And that's just fine." Matt said, holding Mello tighter.

'I'm sorry.' Mello thought, trying to get the message to Matt, but it didn't work.

_I lost your trust, I broke your heart_

"Now, come on. Let's get you to bed. Are you thirsty?" Matt asked, helping Mello up and towards his bedroom.

"I'm fucking parched." Mello smirked as he sat on the bed, gently being moved so he wouldn't hurt his burning face as he was placed under the covers. Matt smiled back, but something was different about it. Mello could have sworn it looked... sad.

_Two kids in love, cursed from the start_

Matt walked to the kitchen and Mello closed his eyes, completely exhausted. He remembered having feelings for Matt when he left Wammy's. He remembered loving the red head as much as Matt loved him. When he joined the mafia was when he stopped. It wouldn't be fair to hurt Matt, it wouldn't be fair to love Matt.

_Is this false hope?_

And Matt couldn't stop thinking about how lucky he was to have Mello there.

_I can't decide_

'What's better? To stay and chance the possibility of Matt being killed? Or go and crush his heart again?'

_But I just can't let you go_

'I won't let you go Mello. Never ever again.'

_Honestly imagine what we could be_

'We can die. We can both die. But we can both be happy. Together. Just like how Matt wants.'

_Could you bare to let me go?_

'Can you really leave me again?'

_Could you live without me now?_

'Will you be able to deal with the loss of me again, Matt?'

I need to know, could you bare to let me go?

'Please, Mello. Please don't go.'

_How am I gonna take the fall, forget you?_

Matt walked back into the room, handing Mello a glass. Mello took it and drained it in record time. Matt grinned.

_Try to move on without you_

"This reminds me of a song, you know?" Matt asked, sitting on the bed's edge.

_Oh, oh. I can't let go._

"Really? What song?" Mello asked, eyes closed.

_How am I gonna take the fall, forget you?_

"Forget You by Phone Call From Home." Matt answered.

_I'll try to move on without you._

"Are you gonna write it down?" Mello asked.

_Oh, oh. I can't let go._

"No. I don't need a piece of paper to remember this time."

_I'll take back every word_

"And..." Matt started, trailing off and looking away. "You can forget what I said. About me loving you. I won't do it if it makes you happy, if it makes you stay."

_Let's go back to where we were before_

"Things can't be like how they were before, Matt. You won't be able to ignore this." Mello explained.

_In love_

"I can for you...

_Take me back_

... If you stay."

_We'll find the way, I lost track_

Matt turned to look at Mello.

"Whatever you need, I'll do. If I get on your nerves then just tell me. If anything is the matter, I'll fix it. Really."

_I'm ready to change for you, for good._

A hand was placed on Mello's and Mello opened his eyes to look in sparkling green ones. Goggles hanging around Matt's neck.

_Take the fall, forget you_

"Now, go to sleep. I'll see what the Task Force is up to." Matt stated, releasing Mello's hand and walking away. The door was closed and Mello curled up into a ball, not caring about the pain from the burn.

_Try to move on without you_

"Matt... I have to do this without you..." Mello whispered aloud.

_Oh, oh. I can't let go._

"I don't want to let go... But I need to."

_How am I gonna take the fall, forget you?_

"But how am I going to leave you again, knowing... Knowing how much you'll hurt, and how much you want this..."

_I'll try to move on without you._

"For your safety, Matt, I will try."


	3. Chapter 2: Trust Me

A/N: Forever and a day later here is the next chapter! -.-' Sorry guys, I've been working really hard with school midterms, getting my permit, and memorizing the lines of a play for my theatre midterm. Too much going on to even think about writing. :{ BUT HERE IT IS! There's also not much in this chapter, I know, it's being saved for next chapter. ;} And now I have a beta! :D You can all thank This-is-Blasphemy for betaing this, and having great patience for it. So please follow my Three R's! :D

* * *

Chapter 2: Trust Me

* * *

Matt woke up from falling asleep on the couch. He went to rub his eyes of sleep and then remembered his goggles were still on when his hands were blocked from his eyes. Yawning, Matt removed his goggles onto his forehead and wiped his eyes. He searched for the clock and found that he slept for much too long and needed to check up on Mello.

Check up on Mello. That sounded so strange after years of not seeing the blond.

Matt got up and went to the bedroom, only to find the bed empty. He blinked then went to the bathroom and knocked on the door. The door slowly opened from the force to reveal nobody was in there.

Now Matt was scared.

_Did Mello leave? Again? This time without telling me? Would he do that to me when he knows how much it hurt me? Would he... Oh no, Mello left me. He left me. No! Maybe he's... In the kitchen!_

Matt ran out of the room, past the couch, and into the kitchen to find it empty. The apartment sounded way too empty. He had to have hope though. He looked in the closet, under the table, everywhere there was room, he looked. By now, he was panicking.

_How could he just leave again?! He knew I'd panic! He didn't even say goodbye! He didn't..._

Then it hit Matt. It hit him hard. So hard, in fact, that he had to lean against the refrigerator and hold onto the table to keep himself stable.

_Was he... Was he ever here? Did I make it up or dream it or... Am I going completely crazy?_

This was too much. Too much to go through.

"Damn it!" Matt yelled, slamming his hand against the refrigerator. It hit against a paper that was held up by a magnet that he didn't remember putting up there. On the verge of breaking down, Matt slid down the fridge to the ground, grabbing the paper and running a hand through his hair. He put the paper into view and slid the goggles back into place to see what was on it.

_Matt, I went to get something very important. Promise to come back. Mello_

Matt stared. He stared and stared and stared some more. He stared so much that the words started to blur into unrecognizable smudges.

Then he laughed.

He laughed at the situation, at Mello, at himself. He laughed at everything, but more importantly, he laughed so he wouldn't cry. He laughed to free himself of his emotions.

"Fuck."

--

Mello liked the new jacket and motorcycle he managed to get on the ride to get Halle. He also liked the new gun he used while pointing at the back of Near's head. Oh, and let's not forget the new chocolate.

New things were nice.

"I see you survived the self imposed explosion." Near stated.

"You didn't think I would actually kill myself, did you?" Mello asked.

"Of course not, but you were always prone to making hasty decisions. You did leave Wammy's, didn't you?" Near asked back, causing Mello's eyes to narrow. "And what did you do? Join the Mafia? Lovely."

"Shut up, Near. As you know, that's no longer an option." Mello replied.

"It was your own fault. Which makes me think, Mello. Where are you staying now? You have other contacts?" Near asked, twirling a lock of hair.

"If you're so fucking smart then why don't you tell me, Near?" Mello growled.

"My best guess is with Matt."

"And what makes you say that?"

"Well, besides the fact that he's reasonably close to us, he's in Japan, he's been hacking into our systems without leaving any traces that it was him, he'd do anything for you, and you've always had a crush on him." Near explained.

"Shut up, Near! I'm tired of you and the way you act so just shut up!" Mello yelled, pointing the gun steadier at Near's head. He ignored the SPK members that in turn pointed their guns at him.

"Mello, if you really want to shoot me then go ahead and do it." Near stated.

"I'd love to but there was a reason I came here and you being alive would make it that much easier." Mello answered, lowering the gun. "My picture from Wammy's."

"Of course." Near took out Mello's picture and flicked it back to Mello, who easily caught it.

"In return, here's some information. The Death Note, it has a Shinigami and the Shinigami told me there's a fake rule." Mello stated, shoving both the picture and his gun away.

"A Shinigami, huh? And what's the reason for this giving of information, Mello? Are you giving up?" Near asked.

"You wish, Near. I have a plan that only means success." Mello smirked and walked to the door, but stopped at the exit, taking a bite of his chocolate. "I wonder... Who will get to Kira first?"

"Let the race begin."

--

Mello forced his motorcycle to go as fast as it could. He didn't realize that he left Matt for much longer than he anticipated. Who knew how the redhead was taking his absence?

He hurried to park the bike and run into the apartment that was left unlocked for Mello. As soon as the door was opened Mello was met with blasting music, no doubt a song based on how Matt was feeling at the moment.

Looking for something I've never seen  
Alone and I'm in between  
The place that I'm from and the place that I'm in  
A city I never been  
I found a friend or should I say a foe  
Said there's just a few things you should know  
We don't want you to see we come and we go  
Here today, gone tomorrow

We're only taking turns  
Holding this world  
It's how it's always been  
When you're older you will understand

If I say who I know it just goes to show  
You need me less than I need you  
But take it from me we don't give sympathy  
You can trust me trust nobody  
But I said you and me we don't have honesty  
The things we don't want to speak  
I'll try to get out but I never will  
This traffic is perfectly still

We're only taking turns  
Holding this world  
It's how it's always been  
When you're older you will understand

And then again maybe you don't  
And then again maybe you won't

When you're older you might understand  
When you're older you might understand

Trust Me, by The Fray. Well, if Matt was looking to make Mello feel guilty when he got home then he definitely succeeded.

Matt was playing video games and singing to the music. Something Mello knew the redhead only did when completely and totally scared about something.

This was going to be harder than Mello thought.


	4. Chapter 3: I'm Not Okay

A/N: I'm supposed to be updating Bridesmaid... How dare you reviewers grab my attention more. XD Sorry for taking forever... Again. I got sick this time. It wasn't pleasant, and so my Mom took my computer away to make sure I wasn't just pretending to be sick to go onto my computer. :} Anyways, please follow my Three Rs! :D

* * *

Chapter 3: I'm Not Okay

* * *

_Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say._

_--_

_I never want to let you down or have you go, its better off this way._

_--_

_For all the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took,_

_--_

_Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?_

_--_

_I'm not okay_

_--_

_I'm not okay_

_--_

_I'm not okay_

_--_

_You wear me out_

Mello walked into the living room. Matt was on the couch playing video games. His goggles were on his head, which Mello really hated. Of course, it's not as if Mello wanted Matt to be blind, he just loved the color of Matt's eyes. They were a shining bright green that almost held him captive in the way they practically always danced with Matt's emotions.

Maybe it was good Matt wore his goggles.

"I'm sorry." Mello stated, raising his voice above the music. Matt stopped playing the games to turn and look at Mello with relief.

"About what?" Matt asked.

"Worrying you." Mello answered as he sat down on the couch.

"Worry? I wasn't worried. What makes you think I was worried?" Matt asked. Mello smirked.

"You're rambling. You're always worried when you ramble." Mello answered.

"You know, maybe I wouldn't have to worry about where you go if you didn't leave me the first time." Matt stated, leaning back on the couch.

"It was important."

"And now half of your face is scarred."

Mello's eyes narrowed and he punched Matt in the arm. Matt grabbed the limb to stop some of the pain he felt as Mello moved to the far side of the couch. Matt sighed. He didn't mean to offend Mello. It was just that having Mello back was strange and awkward and always made everything feel like there was only one thread of tension left before the whole rope snapped and everything around them broke.

"I'm sorry." Matt apologized, which only earned him a kick in the groin. He bent over in pain and held onto his very sensitive organ. He cursed under his breath and looked at Mello through his bangs. "I said I was sorry."

"Don't." Mello ordered, clearly angry.

"What?"

"Don't be sorry." Mello ordered, raising his voice. "What are you sorry about, Matt? That you are a great friend? A perfect boyfriend? The most trustworthy person ever? That no matter what I do wrong you are always there to help me and clean up after me?!"

Matt sat up to look at the angry blue eyes he was usually accustomed to. Not this time. There was a different anger in those eyes. Not one he can recall. This anger seemed more guilty.

_What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?_

_--_

_(I'm not okay)_

_--_

_I've told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what it means_

_--_

_(I'm not okay)_

_--_

_To be a joke and look, another line without a hook_

_--_

_I held you close as we both shook for the last time take a good hard look!_

"Then, what do you want?" Matt asked, unsure. Mello sighed in aggravation and almost scram the next words that came out of his mouth.

"It's not about what I want, Matt! Why don't you ever take care of yourself? Why don't you think about what you need? Why, why, why can't you just stop once and understand that you're not happy being like this?!" Mello asked, standing up.

"I don't really care, Me-"

"Don't give me that. Don't give me that! That's bullshit! You think you don't care? I know better. I can take one look at you and know you're depressed and alone. I know your unhappy and it drives me insane thinking about all the crap your doing and for what?! Me?! L?! The world?!" Mello yelled.

"Mello... You know why I do this..."

"Then you should know why I hate this. I hate people doing things for me and I hate to see you beating yourself up for something you hate. Do you even see how much this is hurting you?!" Mello asked.

"Hurting me?" Matt asked, slowly standing up. "That might be so, Mello, but I'm not the only one who is hurting."

_I'm not okay_

_--_

_I'm not okay_

_--_

_I'm not okay_

_--_

_You wear me out_

"I know, and that's why I didn't want to drag you into this." Mello replied.

Silence stretched on after that until Matt opened his mouth.

"... Why did you even call?"

_Forget about the dirty looks_

_--_

_The photographs your boyfriend took_

_--_

_You said you read me like a book, but the pages all are torn and frayed_

Mello stared at Matt. He stared because he didn't know what to say. It was his idea to leave Matt to keep him safe and now Matt was questioning why he came back and he had absolutely no idea what to say.

"You know what, Mello? Your right. I am hurt. I am really hurt. I'm hurt with knowing that you don't want me. I'm hurt with knowing that you want to leave me. I'm hurt with knowing that I'll never be good enough to keep you here unless it's against Kira."

"No, Matt-"

"And I'll admit that I'm hurt because I know my feelings and I let myself obey by them. I do what I want and I can be happy like that because I'm not looking for anybodies expectations! I live for myself. I used to live for you too, but now I don't know. I just don't know! Because you're hurting me and your making me think all these things about myself that I never thought of before! So your right, Mello. Your right. And now, now, I'm done."

_I'm okay_

_--_

_I'm okay!_

_--_

_I'm okay, now_

_--_

_(I'm okay, now)_

"Matt, wait. That's not what I meant."

"But it's what I meant. And I mean it, Mello. I mean it! You'll never open your eyes to let yourself be happy so how am I supposed to keep making myself unhappy to help you ever so little?" Matt was upset. So upset he was chuckling. His emotions were running wild and he didn't know how to react. So he laughed. He walked to his room and leaned on the doorway.

"Can't you just give me a minute?" Mello asked, following behind Matt. The redhead turned and looked at Mello with an emotionless face.

"Why? You never gave me one."

He closed the door.

_But you really need to listen to me_

_  
--_

_Because I'm telling you the truth_

_  
--_

_I mean this, I'm okay!_

_--_

_(Trust Me)_

Mello stood there in shock, staring at the door. He looked to see the first time Matt actually fought against him. Matt actually opposed him. Matt actually ran away from him instead of the other way around.

And it hurt. It hurt more than he thought it would.

_I'm not okay_

_--_

_I'm not okay_

_--_

_Well, I'm not okay_

_  
--_

_I'm not o-fucking-kay_

_--_

_I'm not okay_

_--_

_I'm not okay_

_--_

_(Okay)_

Mello went to sit back on the couch. He picked up Matt's notebook and his iPod. Putting on the headphones and playing the song he wanted he started to write;

_I'm Not Okay (I Promise) by My Chemical Romance. You did it Matt. You finally get it._

The string finally snapped.


	5. Chapter 4: Stranger

A/N: I'm horrible for making you all wait so long. Really, I've had the worse of luck. I'm not going to list everything that happened but the main things that got me were power outage after power outage and strep throat. Shoot me. DX So, yeah. Here's an update that I think you all will be glad that it came. It sort of makes Matt and Mello seem bipolar but you know what? I'm tired from all the medicine I'm on so... :/ DEAL. ... Please? Oh! And please follow my three R's. :}

* * *

Chapter 4: Stranger

* * *

It was quiet. Mello was feeling horrible. Matt wouldn't come out, which meant he really hurt him. He did the one thing he never wanted to do to Matt because he knew that Matt didn't deserve it. Ever.

He walked to the door and sat down with his back on the wall next to the door to the bedroom.

Matt was on the other side of the door. His legs were pulled to his chest, his arms around them and his head down. The goggles were uncaringly pushed to the top of his head, forcing his hair to get messy. His eyes stung with tears that wanted to fall but wouldn't.

He said all those things to Mello and even though he said he meant it, which he did, he could never stop caring about Mello. He could never stop loving Mello. So on one level he was lying.

"I lied."

Mello's head snapped at the sound of Matt's voice. It sounded hoarse and dry, almost like he had been crying.

"You lied?"

"You can't stay here because I can't stop loving you, Mello. You don't love me and so it will never work. You can't stay here..." Matt's voice trailed off. Mello ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath.

He couldn't do this anymore.

Not to himself and especially not to Matt.

He could not.

"You're wrong." Mello stated. Matt lifted his head in question.

"How am I wrong?"

"I..." Mello took another breath. "Goddammit, you know I'm no good with words... Matt... I'm the one who lied."

Matt slowly moved so he was facing the door, sitting on his legs. He wanted to hear Mello but he still didn't want to come out. If he did, seeing Mello's face would hurt him too much.

"What do you mean?" Matt asked.

"I think I know how to explain." Mello said. He got up to go to the iPod he left on the couch and got the speakers. He walked back with both and searched for the song he wanted. Then, he hesitantly put the iPod in the speakers and pressed play.

_Turn Around_

_Turn Around and fix your eye in my direction_

_So there is a connection_

--

_I can't speak_

_I can't make a sound to somehow capture your attention_

_I'm staring at perfection_

_--_

_Take a look at me so you can see_

_How beautiful you are_

_--_

_You call me a stranger_

_You say I'm a danger_

_But all these thoughts are leaving you tonight_

--

_I'm broke and abandoned_

_You are an angel_

_Making all my dreams come true tonight_

--

Matt's head rose as he recognized the song made by Secondhand Serenade. It was one of their greatest songs. A song about broken love but love nonetheless. Did that mean... No. It couldn't.

_I'm confident_

_But I can't pretend I wasn't terrified to meet you_

_I knew you could see right through me_

--

_I saw my life flash right before my very eyes_

_And I knew just what we'd turn into_

_I was hoping that you could see_

--

_Take a look at me so you can see_

--

_You call me a stranger_

_You say I'm a danger_

_But all these thoughts are leaving you tonight_

--

_I'm broke and abandoned_

_You are an angel_

_Making all my dreams come true tonight_

--

Matt wiped his eyes and smiled. It was real. The song was for him and from Mello. His Mello! The one whom he loved and the one who apparently loved him back. He couldn't believe it.

_You are an angel _

_Making all my dreams come true tonight_

--

_Take a look at me so you can see_

_How beautiful you are_

--

_Take a look at me so you can see_

_How beautiful you are_

--

_Take a look at me so you can see_

_How beautiful you are_

--

_Take a look at me so you can see_

_How beautiful you are_

--

The redhead understood now. Listening to the music and thinking just about himself and Mello. He understood. He knew Mello better than anyone and he knew that Mello did not like to get emotionally hurt, so he would close himself away by being mean. Mello wouldn't admit to loving Matt because in case Matt was killed by Kira (or vice versa) Mello didn't want pain to be an outcome. He didn't want to get hurt and he didn't want to hurt.

_Your beauty seems so far away_

_I'd have to write a thousand songs to make you comprehend how beautiful you are_

--

_I know that I can't make you stay_

_But I would give my final breath to make you understand how beautiful you are_

_--_

_Understand how beautiful you are_

--

Matt opened the door and saw Mello looking depressed, but the blue orbs brightened once Matt stepped out of the bedroom. Matt smiled.

"Neither of us will get hurt." Was all he could manage.

Mello was shocked by how well Matt could read him.

"Come here." The blond ordered.

_You call me a stranger_

_You say I'm a danger_

_But all these thoughts are leaving you tonight_

--

_I'm broke and abandoned_

_You are an angel_

_Making all my dreams come true tonight_

--

Matt walked in front of Mello and squatted so he was as level as he could manage.

That was when Mello kissed him.

_You call me a stranger_

_You say I'm a danger_

_You call me a stranger_

_--_

Nothing felt more perfect to either of them.


End file.
